so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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