I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
