You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
