i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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