god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
