At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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