mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
