oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
