Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
