The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
