omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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