I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
