I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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