I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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