I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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