She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
