would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
