My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
