We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.