Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
