Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Randomize
Follow @tfln