Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.