last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.