I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dicks are not precious.