i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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