everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
