I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
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remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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