my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize