Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
