Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
