You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Be still, my beating vagina.
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
