bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
