so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
