3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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