i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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