Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
