In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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