I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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