My first STD was from a foam party
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
