The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
