i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
