You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
