I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
