I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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