I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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