He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i think i just lost a toe
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
