I'm jealous of your bromance
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
