How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
