So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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