at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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