Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
