It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
