I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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