I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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