I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
