My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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