For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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