sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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