Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
