i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
