Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
