i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
