Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
pray to the hookup gods
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
