Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
