dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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