I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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