I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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