: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
