Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
