i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need moral support for this bender
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
