I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
