I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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