She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
