Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
