He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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