if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
