I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
